Man Skips Twin Brother’s Wedding Since He Wasn’t Invited to the Engagement Party

A 28-year-old man is asking the internet if he made the right choice by deciding not to go to his brother’s wedding after being slighted at their engagement party.

On Reddit, the man shares that he and his twin brother used to be inseparable, and until recently, he thought they “were still very close.”

“I was always more of a shy nerd and he was an extrovert that played sports throughout our childhood and high school, but we spent almost all of our time together, by choice,” he writes, noting that they went their “separate ways” around college as they went to schools in different states.

While his brother remained close to home in Arizona, the poster moved to Portland after graduating. Still, he “always flew back home for holidays, events, birthdays, etc.”

“My brother announced on instagram that he and his girlfriend of 3 years got engaged. I was incredibly happy for him and texted him congrats,” the poster writes. “He mentioned they were planning to have an engagement party in 6-8 weeks and I told him to let me know so I can book a flight to come celebrate.”

However, he was “never told a date” and if he brought it up with his brother or other family members, “they’d change the subject or say it’s still being planned and confirmed.”

“After a few weeks I texted my brother to ask about the date because it must be getting close and I don’t want to pay for a last minute flight. No response,” he writes.

“I asked my mom for details and she said, ‘It’s not really an engagement party, just a small dinner with family. There’s no need to come down for it.’ ”

However, the man later found out that it was, in fact, “a big party.”

“They rented out an entire restaurant for 4 hours and there were about 80 guests: family, friends, cousins, everyone. Everyone was told I couldn’t make it,” he writes.

“My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, texted me that she was very disappointed I couldn’t make time to join and I replied that I would have happily come, but I was not invited,” he explains. “Word spread quickly about my snub and my parents and brother tried to say it was just a misunderstanding.”

It’s been nearly a year since then, and the poster has yet “to get to the bottom of why [he] wasn’t invited.”

“Over the course of months it went from, ‘It was just meant to be a small gathering,’ to ‘I don’t know what happened, there must have been a miscommunication,’ to ‘It’s just a party. It’s no big deal,'” he says of his family’s excuses.

“I asked my brother if he was mad at me, I thought maybe his fiance didn’t like me. Even if she or he didn’t want me there, why were my parents ok with this? This really wasn’t like them.”

The poster says holidays were “awkward as hell” as there was a clear elephant in the room. During one gathering, his sister said it was like he was “not really family anymore” since he moved far away.

While the man was invited to his brother’s wedding, he wasn’t asked to be in the wedding party, despite his sister and younger brother being included. He also didn’t get a plus one for his girlfriend of over a year, but his sister got one for a man she isn’t even officially dating.

“So I decided I wasn’t welcome and I was probably only invited for optics and to play happy family. I didn’t RSVP no since I knew that would cause a s—show, I just didn’t go,” he writes. “The wedding was this past weekend. No one contacted me about missing the rehearsal dinner, so I guess even if I did go, I wasn’t invited to that either or expected to be there.”

However, one hour before the wedding ceremony, he started getting calls and texts asking him where he was. He ignored them until after the ceremony.

“I finally picked up my mom’s call and she screamed, ‘Where the hell are you?’ I replied, ‘In Portland, where you all prefer me to be,'” he reflects.

“She said, ‘This is your brother’s wedding, how could you embarrass us?’ I answered, ‘It’s just a party. It’s no big deal, right?’ It was probably the first time in my life my mother was speechless,” he adds. “After a few seconds of silence, I said, ‘Tell everyone I said hi,’ and I hung up.”

In the days that followed, his family members called and texted him to say that he was “being petty” and “ruined the day.” 

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.  

However, people in the comments section agreed with the man’s decision, agreeing that he was “just matching their energy.”

“Message your family that since they decided that you don’t count as family anymore, then you’re acting accordingly. They decided to essentially cut you out because you moved so they can face the consequences,” one person wrote. 

Another person responded, “I’d stop going to holidays going forward too,” to which the man who made the post replied, “Agreed. Not gonna happen anytime soon.”