Woman Wants to Cancel Trip with Boyfriend Because He Can’t Afford It

A woman says that she planned a birthday trip for her boyfriend — but is now considering cancelling after realizing she’ll have to pay for it all.

The woman detailed her story on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where women can go to seek input about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman shared that her boyfriend of one year recently celebrated his 40th birthday.

She says she “booked a beautiful countryside lodge with a hot tub” to celebrate the occasion, and that she booked it for “this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments.”

However, the original poster (OP) went on to say that her boyfriend informed her that he would “love to go” but is “struggling for money” at the moment.

“So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund,” she added.

The OP also stated that her boyfriend already owes her money from a previous trip they took earlier in the year — and that he had recently chosen to spend money on a five-day bachelor party.

“He’s a lovely man and the relationship is good, but AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to cancel the trip and not pay for everything?” she asked at the end of her post, adding, “I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead.”

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Opinions were divided over how the OP should handle the situation.

“I think if you booked the trip, you pay, unless you’ve discussed it and agreed [on] the budget beforehand,” one person said.

Others took issue with the fact that the OP’s boyfriend went on a trip with friends while he still owed her money.

“If he genuinely had no money for anything, fair enough. [But] he does have money — he’s choosing to spend it on other things, even though he owes you money.”

“I would not spend on him again (or on shared meals) until he had paid back what he owes and has funded the next meal you share!” said someone else.

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Several other commenters suggested that the OP might want to reconsider whether she wants to date a partner who can’t afford to have nice experiences with her. 

“I don’t think I could date him,” one person said. “I always have cash available for going out, and would expect the same of a partner. I am also reasonably careful with my finances. They would have to be bloody amazing in other ways for me to possibly overlook it.”