Woman Says She’s Planning to Get Married Without Telling Her Family

A bride-to-be is refusing to walk down the aisle if her extended family is in attendance.

The woman explained in a post on Mumsnet that her fiancé isn’t fussed about having a big wedding as he’s been married before. She said her own experience of going to other people’s nuptials has also made her determine that a “traditional” wedding isn’t for her.

The OP (original poster) revealed that she wants to minimize stress that involves other people, such as making guest lists and planning a meal.

“I don’t want to share the day with other people or be stared at, taken photos of unawares, separated from my close family all day by obligations to converse with people I barely ever see,” she said. “I don’t expect any gifts or involvement from others either.”

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The OP said she isn’t judging anyone else’s choices for their wedding, but a “very small and private” affair is her personal preference.

“I have a complicated family and his is massive, so it isn’t a viable option for us to have a wedding that involves anyone else apart from us and our children,” the bride-to-be said. “If I can’t have a quiet, intimate wedding with just us, then I will not get married at all.”

Having gotten engaged in private, she said a small wedding with their children would be “perfect.”

However, their family has been continuously asking questions about the upcoming nuptials and assuming they will be invited even if it’s a “tiny” event.

“DP [dear partner] can’t decide if WABU [we are being unreasonable] to be vague and noncommittal about any wedding chat, or is it just better to let people down gently and be up front,” the bride-to-be said.

“Also, AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to be weirded out that people like watching someone get married who is so visibly uncomfortable with the concept of being watched 😂,” she asked.

Hundreds of people responded to the post, with the majority of commenters advising the woman to get married and tell their family after.

“Just go and have your private little wedding and enjoy it,” one person wrote. “You don’t have to have a full, overblown friends and family event. Do what makes you both happy. I expect most people will be happy they don’t have to go to another expensive wedding.”

“If your families are both understanding and decent, tell them up front that you are getting married for legal reasons and don’t want a ‘wedding,’ ” another said. “Therefore, there isn’t an event or anything. You are just taking a day off and having fun with the kids. If your families have a form for any bad behavior, get married and tell them after.”

“You’re being unreasonable to be vague about it. Just tell them,” someone else commented. “Celebrate with them another time, or just don’t. It’s easiest to be honest so everyone is clear.”