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NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says she invited her recently widowed mother-in-law on a family vacation, and she now regrets it
- She says that the older woman has “barely spoken” on the trip and is wallowing in “self-pity”
- The woman shared her story on a community forum, where opinions were divided about whether or not the poster’s feelings were valid
A woman invited her newly-widowed mother-in-law on a family vacation — but she says it has been “an absolute disaster.”
The woman detailed her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where women can go to get input about interpersonal dilemmas.
In her post, the woman said that she and her family are currently on a vacation in Greece, and that they invited her husband’s mom to join them for part of the trip.
“She was widowed late last year and we thought it would be a lovely break for her,” she explained, adding, “She’s close to our child (and we do not expect childcare at all) [and] we’ve paid for her flights and accommodation in a beautiful apartment.”
The problem? The original poster (OP) said that her mother-in-law has been moping the entire time.
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“[…] All she has done is sit on her own, barely spoken to any of us and wallow in almost self-pity, making it really difficult for us to enjoy the first part of our family holiday,” the OP said.
“Frankly, I’ve found the whole first part of the trip exhausting, having to tread on eggshells the entire time,” she continued, adding, “I absolutely hate to sound selfish and thought we were doing the right thing, but it’s been an absolute disaster and I feel horrible.”
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The woman said that she had an “honest chat” about the situation with her mother-in-law the previous night in the hopes that things would improve, but nothing has changed.
“I feel awful even writing this, but need to get it off my chest,” the OP noted at the end of her post.
Some commenters sympathized with the OP and said that they didn’t think her mother-in-law should have agreed to join on a family vacation if she wasn’t ready to be present and enjoy it.
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“If she wasn’t prepared to go and enjoy it then she should have stayed at home and declined your offer. Really selfish to go on someone’s holiday and spoil it,” one person said.
“I get it’s difficult being without her partner, but it sounds like she isn’t even trying,” said someone else.
Others said that they thought the OP lacked empathy for her mother-in-law’s situation, and that she should cut the older woman some slack.
“I’ve never lost someone close to me, thank God, but I imagine less than a year in grief is unpredictable and not linear. It’s disappointing to have a holiday affected, but handle it with grace and the thought that one day, you might be in her position,” one person said.
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Someone else said, “She’s not in a good headspace. It hasn’t even been a year, and she’s having new experiences without her husband. That hurts in a way I hope you don’t have to understand. Leave her to it. She needs space and not ‘chat’ from someone who doesn’t get grief. It can sneak up at the strangest moments. Go do your thing and enjoy your vacation.”
