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NEED TO KNOW
- A woman is expressing concern after the parents of her daughter’s boyfriend asked the young couple to move into their rental property
- In a post on Mumsnet, she explained that the parents want the couple to move out of their current home into their property and pay them the same amount in rent
- “I’m struggling with this as feel that [my daughter] is being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and, by default, my daughter,” the mom said of the parents
A mother is wondering if she’s right to be concerned about a request made by the parents of her daughter’s boyfriend.
In a post shared on the U.K.-based parenting forum Mumsnet, the mom explained that her daughter, a recent college graduate, has been living with her boyfriend for the past year and is currently on the hunt for a new job.
She revealed that her daughter is hoping to remain in the city where she studied and is currently working the same job that she had throughout college. The mom said she’s willing to help her daughter if money “is tight.”
“Dd [dear daughter] is living with BF [boyfriend] and has been for the last year,” the mother said. “He will be in this area for at least 18 months, as he has employment commitments. They rent a 2-bed.”
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“BF parents, who already own 5 houses which they let, are now planning to buy (outright) a 4-bed in the uni [college] city,” she continued. “They expect their son and DD to move into it, as well as assist with the upkeep, etc, as BF’s parents live a good 3 hrs travel time away.
“BF’s parents want them both to pay the same rent as they are now. House in parents’ name,” the mom added.
The mother said her daughter doesn’t want to move into the house because she is worried about the cost of maintaining a bigger property and doesn’t like the area.
The mom noted that the house is located about 12 miles outside the neighborhood where plenty of students live. “It also doesn’t have all the same amenities as their current house,” she added.
Struggling to see this situation in a “positive light,” the mother admitted that she feels that her boyfriend’s parents are using the young couple for money.
“I’m struggling with this as feel that [my daughter] is being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and, by default, my daughter,” she said, adding that they’re not sure if the parents want to rent out the other bedrooms — and her daughter has expressed that she doesn’t want to live with random roommates any longer.
In an additional comment, the mother explained that her daughter has expressed these concerns to her boyfriend — “I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a ‘nice thing,’ ” she said.
“Apparently, the house buy was presented as a great honor,” the woman concluded, before asking the online community: “Am I being unreasonable?”
The majority of responses to the post attempted to reassure the mother that she’s right to be concerned about the housing arrangement.
“The parents are being entrepreneurs, buying a house and renting it out in the university [college] town to students,” one person wrote. “Naturally, they expect their child to live there, and therefore by default, your daughter as well, and to pay rent. However, your daughter doesn’t need to go along with this, and can refuse to move there. It may mean not living with her boyfriend, if he feels he has to comply with his parents.”
“If they weren’t consulted and it doesn’t work for them, it’s really not a ‘nice thing,'” another commenter argued.
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Several other commenters warned of the dangers of renting from family, and one person argued that there were “too many potential risks and complications”
“Who’s going to be the priority if they split? What conditions will be tied to it?” a reply questioned. “Will they be inspecting the property like landlords at every visit or should it just be a casual meeting with families? Will they feel they are entitled to let themselves in whenever they please? Will they have a legally binding tenancy agreement or will they think they can get away with doing what they like?”
Others argued that the woman’s daughter should advocate for herself more, even if it means taking a break from living with her boyfriend.
“She doesn’t have to move!” another person wrote. “If she doesn’t want to, she should tell her boyfriend she has no desire to live in said house, but obviously, he is free to without her, if that’s what he wants to do.”
