Bride Refuses to Let Sister Celebrate Birthday at Her Rehearsal Dinner

A 30-year-old woman says she feels “gaslit” by her family since they want to celebrate her sister’s birthday during her own wedding rehearsal.

In a post shared to Reddit, the anonymous woman writes, “I feel gaslit by my family for asking my mother to not get a cake for my OLDER sister’s birthday at our rehearsal dinner.”

She explains that she and her fiancé were together for six years before they got engaged. Two months later, her sister got engaged, too, telling her, “I’m getting married before you because I’m not waiting until 2025.”

“She had her wish and got married two months after her engagement (4 months after mine),” she writes. “A year goes by and my fiancé and I buy our first home! But… TWO months later my sister and now husband buy their second home. See a pattern here?”

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She continues, “Now we enter my wedding year (2025) and guess who’s pregnant and due a month before my wedding?? My sister! Now don’t get me wrong I can’t wait to be an aunty! However, now it’s expected the baby come to the wedding which as my fiancé and I have said from the beginning NO children. That’s been a battle in itself.”

Fast forward and the woman’s wedding rehearsal dinner is scheduled to fall on her sister’s birthday, which she notes was “totally a coincidence on my part” — and yet her sister is “expecting a birthday cake at our rehearsal dinner.”

“I kindly told my mother I thought it was a little wild for her to expect that and maybe we do something small for her after the rehearsal and before dinner so at least she feels special (BECAUSE I AM STILL A PEOPLE PLEASER EVEN THOUGH THIS IS ONE LIFE EVENT I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE ‘SELFISH’),” she adds.

However, her mother told her she was being “a selfish person for even thinking that and that she would be getting her a cake anyways” — even if that means delivering it once the bride and groom leave.

“I proceeded to say that I’ve tried to think of how it would be shoe on the other foot and don’t ever think I would expect that on someone else’s rehearsal dinner,” she writes.

“My mother proceeds to tell me I absolutely would and that she refuses to allow me to tell her not to get my sister a cake because ‘a parent is expected to celebrate their child’s birthday’ … she’s turning 35,” she adds.

Now, the woman wants to know if she’s in the wrong for asking her mother not to bring her sister a cake to her rehearsal dinner.

Reddit users weighed in with mixed opinions, with many encouraging the poster to focus on herself and not her sister.

“Your rehearsal dinner is about you and your fiancé, not your sister’s birthday. Asking your mom to wait or celebrate separately is totally reasonable. Your sister’s age or expectations don’t override your special day setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish,” one commenter wrote.

“Honestly, I think the compromise you suggested (celebrating after rehearsal or another day) was very reasonable,” another added. “Your mom insisting you’re selfish for not wanting the spotlight shared at your rehearsal dinner feels dismissive of what this event is meant for. You’re allowed to want one thing to be about you without guilt.”

However, others questioned the poster for not remembering the date of her sister’s birthday when booking the rehearsal dinner. They also noted that a simple birthday cake would not “distract from the celebration of the happy couple.”

“You seem jealous and obsessed with your sister,” someone else chimed in. “Her buying a house two months after you is suspect for what reason? That’s what adults often do in their 30s after they marry.”