Photo courtesy of Kathy Griffin.
Welcome to Seek Help, a new column where we enlist Interview’s wisest and weirdest friends to give us answers to life’s most profound questions. For this month’s installment, funny lady and rabble-rouser Kathy Griffin called in from her 30-city stand-up tour to deliver her verdict on a number of polarizing topics, some of which are informed by the 65-year-old comedy legend’s personal experience. Below, she sounds off on prenups, threesomes, bombing, boys’ clubs, and the virtues of nastiness.
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My parents are on near opposite sides of the political spectrum as me. Is it possible for us to maintain a relationship?
No.
Advice for an aspiring comedian who’s deathly afraid of bombing?
You have to embrace bombing because you’re going to bomb more than you kill. Bombing is the best teacher. You can’t get good unless you bomb—and bomb a lot. I mean, look at Matt Rife. He didn’t bomb, and now he’s missing.
I’m sick of L.A. How do I fall back in love with the city?
You have to find the different parts of L.A. I live in Malibu, so commit to the drive to Malibu. Within an hour, you can see an ocean, and you can also somehow be on a mountain. There’s a little part of Franklin that I used to live in called Beachwood Canyon, and there’s a block that’s kind of charming. Back in the day, Westwood was a big walking area. So look up all the guides, too. To quote Rachel Ray, you will fall in love with the city again if you’re willing to leave your neighborhood and go to parts of the city that you wouldn’t normally go to.
I’m the only woman partner at my mostly male law firm. Tips for breaking into the boys club?
Well, you have to blow them.
How do I approach my broke-ass fiancée about signing a prenup?
Well, this is something I am an expert at. You just have to come out and say it. And you have to couch it like, “If you’re not willing to sign this prenup, then you’re not willing to actually be in love with me.” Now, I also signed a prenup. So even though I was the breadwinner in my two marriages, I would say, “Well, I’ll sign one, too. In case you become incredibly wealthy or something, I would never want to take your hard-earned money.” But also: if they’re not willing to sign the prenup, you shouldn’t get married. Because that’s a really big one.
I’m a recent college grad entering the creative industry, but I worry its best years are long gone. How do I deal with my existential dread?
Well, weed. But also, I think it’s important to go with the times. Look at me as an example. I’m so old school that I started out when being on a TV show and having even one line could make your career. Now it’s a different landscape. The other thing is, and I know this is going to sound weird: don’t be afraid to work for free. I do gigs for a lot of money, medium money, and sometimes I’ll do a gig for free just because I want to or ‘cause it helps me get better at my craft.
How to stay happy when the state of the world is turning me into a nasty bitch?
Embrace it. First of all, it’s very trendy to be a nasty woman. Remember when Trump called a reporter a “nasty woman,” and then she became famous? That’s the world we’re in. We’re in nasty times, and that calls for nasty people. But you get to pick. If someone is really a good person and has a good soul and they’ve been a good friend to you, then no, you should be extra nice to them. Just make sure you can delineate between the good, the bad, and the medium. A lot of people are medium, so you treat them with a medium level of nasty. Just make sure your nastiness has levels.
I suspect my husband is insecure about me being the breadwinner. Isn’t that his problem?
This is a topic I’m an expert on, unfortunately. And sexism and misogyny are still alive and well, as is ageism for women. We all want that sensitive guy that understands that if he’s not the breadwinner, it doesn’t mean he’s not enough of a man. Some of the guys are going to get it and some aren’t, but don’t stick with one too long if you feel like they resent you for being the breadwinner. It’s okay to have a high turnover rate. Guys do, and we call them studs. Girls do, and we call them dumb whores. So just try the guy out, see how long he can hang with it. And if he can no longer hang with you for being you, don’t diminish yourself, because it’s okay to be single.
I, a once avid reader, am struggling with my dwindling attention span. Any advice?
So I’ve become an avid reader, and I never was because I’m dyslexic and it takes me so long to read physical books that I now go through an average of two audiobooks per week. Right now, I’m in the middle of David McCullough’s book about the building of the Panama Canal, which is not something you should say on a date—that’s not going to get you laid. And I read Olivia Nuzzi’s book, American Canto. And boy, that was about as far from the Panama Canal as you can get, so now I’m excited to go back to the nerdy book. So find the ones that speak to you. Also, you don’t always have to read a great book or a classic. You can have fun reading the Julia Fox biography, Down the Drain. Follow your bliss.
I want to have a threesome with my husband and his best friend, who’s a man. Is it too crazy a proposition to bring his way?
No. Are you kidding? Guys fucking love this shit. Now, he’ll bitch about it being a dude because all guys want two women. Guys are twisted. But you have to get him into it by saying how erotic and exotic it’s going to be. By the way, I’ve never had one, so I’m kind of full of shit. But I do think that sexually, guys can be talked into just about anything. So I would downplay the other guy, even though you’re clearly hot for his best friend. But you know what? Guys have been doing their wife and the wife’s best friend since the Stone Age, so just talk him into it.
