Bride Excludes Sister from Her Wedding, Feels Bad for ‘Innocent’ Brother-in-Law

A bride is dealing with lingering guilt after she didn’t invite her “innocent” brother-in-law to her wedding because she didn’t want her estranged sister to come.

Taking to Reddit, the 33-year-old woman explained that she has had a bad relationship with her sister for nearly her entire life, and they’ve been estranged since around 2020. 

“From as early as I can remember, she belittled me, mocked me, called me dumb, and constantly made me feel like I was worthless,” she explains. “Anytime I tried to speak up for myself or say something logical or reasonable, she’d twist my words or fly off the handle.”

“Our entire dynamic has always been about her being right, her being in control, and me learning to stay small to avoid conflict,” she adds.

Things “blew up in 2020 during the pandemic” while the poster “was trying to help” their family find living arrangements, only for her sister to repeatedly send “aggressive messages” and voicemails.

Realizing it was “emotional abuse,” she wrote that she was done with her “narcissist” of a sister.

Though she cut off contact, the woman said things changed when she got engaged in 2023. Then, her sister reached out and tried to “weasel her way back into my life.”

“I told her clearly and calmly that for my mental health, I couldn’t. I asked her not to respond. She responded anyway, of course, with a fake-polite message that ignored everything I had just said,” the woman recalls.

In response, she clearly stated that she did not want to resume their relationship. Additionally, her sister would not be invited to the wedding.

While she said her brother-in-law “has always been good to me,” she realized that inviting him would give her sister a way to tag along. So, she also told her sister that he was not invited.

At the time, she felt “guilty about excluding” her “calm, kind, and level-headed” brother-in-law.

“But I felt I had no choice. Inviting him would’ve created a messy gray area, and I wasn’t willing to gamble my peace on my wedding day,” she writes.

Years after the wedding, she’s still haunted by the decision.

“I don’t regret protecting myself. But I hate the idea that he never got the truth,” she said, adding, “And I hate that someone kind got caught in the crossfire.”

Fellow Redditors rushed to reply and assure the woman that she was not in the wrong but was caught in a difficult situation.

“It sucks that someone kind got caught in the crossfire, but his presence would have risked bringing all that toxic energy into your wedding. Your decision wasn’t personal against him,” one person wrote.

Another person urged the bride not to “feel guilt for protecting yourself.”

“It hurts to feel responsible for his impression of your sister, but you can’t and shouldn’t compromise your emotional safety for someone else, even if that person is kind,” they continued.

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One Redditor urged the woman to let go of her concerns about her brother-in-law, saying, “Firstly if he’s as kind as you say, he’s get it.”

“Secondly, why do you want to convince him you’re the ‘good one’ and not at fault. If you want to be left alone, leave your sister’s relationship alone too. Otherwise you’re up for major drama and vengeance. The ball is in your court. Have you really let go?” they asked.

After getting some feedback, the woman returned to update her original post. In addition, she included a letter to her brother-in-law.

While she acknowledged that he was unlikely to see it, the woman wrote that it would help her find closure.

“I didn’t make that decision out of pettiness or resentment. I made it out of self-preservation. For once, I chose me. I chose peace,” she wrote to him, signing off with, “Wherever you are, I hope you and the kids are well. I hope your life is calm. I hope you’re happy.”